fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
