i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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