I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
