so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
