Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
