2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
