I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
