I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
