Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
