i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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