i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
