There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
