He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
