I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
