How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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