I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
