I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
