3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
