Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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