just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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