The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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