I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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