Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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