this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
