i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
