my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is classic penis vs brain.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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