I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
