My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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