Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
