from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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