Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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