Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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