There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
