she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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