I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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