I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
