you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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