Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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