god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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