cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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