She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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