it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
