dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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