So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
