Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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