sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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