I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
