bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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