using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
