put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
